Parenting Technique

In our adoption training, they taught us a parenting technique that has been proven to help with "at-risk" children.  We have found it working well with our own kids.  It is based on using "redos" instead of punishments.  The basic idea is that all discipline should draw children towards you instead of pushing them away.  If a poor choice is made, parents calmly and firmly ask for a redo.  The situation is then reinacted in a positive way.  Parents praise the improved behavior, and everyone moves on.  There is no shaming, lecturing, or punishing.  The parent/child relationship is strengthened.  The kids DO test the system, but tension is usually deflated quickly when we stick to the program.  We have found using short memorized phrases, or even singing to the kids seems to help.  For example, "People aren't for hurting, they are for loving.  Let's try showing ___________ some love."  "Try asking again, this time with respect."  It is not easy, because the parent must be calm, consistant, and totally in control of his or her self in order for it to work out.  Love is the ultimate goal.  Every interaction should reflect love towards the children we are trying to help.